wrestling separation

Some parts of a (rough draft) poem I wrote this past week…

[Written on: 6.4.2015]
“Lord, I know you are near, but I made myself become quite distant.
Casually walking backwards as far away from you…
I want to be at home again.
I want to feel the warmth rushing through my skin.
I want to have that conviction where I’ll always have a room, in your kingdom.
A security I blindly unappreciated…”

There are two ways things happen in your life (for me, personally)…
1) How everything falls in your lap. A joyous time to be thankful of God answering your prayers or even giving you something so much better.

Example: This summer has felt so different compared to the previous summers while I have been living in the south. I have many friends who are teachers and are usually gone for vacation in the summer. I have this utmost joy and anticipation when they do come back in the Fall. However, this summer two of my dearest friends are getting married and they are going to live the newlywed life and I respect that. It’s sad to see people move on, but it’s more exciting to see the end of this chapter and begin a new one (almost a month away!) – God has definitely closed doors and opened new ones for them this summer and I’m so grateful to see the excitement in their eyes with everything they want is happening in the palm of their hands. 🙂

2) How you feel stagnant, not knowing how to step forward and the only thing you know how to do is stand there or turn around to follow the steps you once were and go back to a familiar past. The brief poem I wrote above is just about how I feel helpless and trying to figure out where I am, but still striving to do what I love to do and be surrounded with those I love. You also have to learn to not impulsively rush a chapter in your life.

Example: The church I was active in immediately became a church I drive pass on my way to somewhere. It’s not a fun feeling, but it certainly prevalent that God is disconnecting me to this church to be fully connected somewhere else and I have no clue where he’s wanting me to go. I am happy and also clueless as I cautiously obey the preparations for the next chapter in my life. Prayers for that, please.


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