solitary + yearning

“She won’t falter easy. she’ll be careful. she’ll be coy. But still she paints her heart among the musings of a boy. At the break of morning, the day awaits her when she sleeps. Deep inside her dreams is all the beauty that she keeps. If you find her, tell her that I love her. If she hears you, ask her heart to come.” 
[Future of Forestry | If You Find Her]
 

I have had a lot of time to mingle with new friends, long conversations with old ones and have the opportunity to be with my dear family.

Yet…

There are moments where I wonder:
I am aching for someone.
I am aching to completely finish a goal.
I am aching to travel.
Most importantly, I am aching for my daydreams to become a reality.

I paint this portrait of my life and desire many things yet I also come back to previous portraits I wanted to burn. Those portraits casually come back and unlock themselves without me giving them permission. There are other portraits which steadily peak through the crack of the door wanting to be known yet my doubt of it all keeps making those portraits crawl back into the darkness.

I hold a candle for me to see and revisit the livelihood of those portraits yet a rush of wind extinguishes the candle and I feel alone.

Photo by Me-

I yearn for so many things. I look back on so many things. I remind myself of the wonderful times. I also remind myself of the trying times, very trying times. I don’t know what my future holds whether I ache for some boy, or daydream of the man I will be with someday; I ache for some type of movement, or contentment of where I just stand. What ever my future is… I am confident of this:

“For it is you who light my lamp;
the Lord my God who lightens my darkness.”
|Psalm 18:28|
Blessings!

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