true motive

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Love is unselfishly choosing for another’s highest good. |C.S. Lewis|

Good evening! Inserted above is a devotion my husband and I just started. So far he isn’t a big fan due to being too detailed about certain topics that just isn’t necessary. We’ll keep trying to keep reading it and see how it goes. Do you have any recommendations with a couple/marriage devotionals?

I must say, this blog post is very raw for me so bare with me.

The past few weeks I have been reminiscing so much about my past and how I was before God called me to be a wife and a mother. I guess my hormones has been getting the best of because I’m pregnant, or I’ve just been aching for what was?

Honestly, I cannot complain where I am now. I have prayed and prayed for God to lead me to a man who is not only Godly, but his character towards his family and friendships is whole and loving and true. For most of my 20s I was single and I ached for being a wife, for being a mother and, most importantly, to feel like I was loved in return. Not by just emotions, but towards actions.

I have dated three other wonderful guys (different times, of course) before I met my husband, but they didn’t work out. It was okay and God showed me strength, wisdom, and humility for those chapters in my life and I learned so much from them. I am thankful God placed my exes and myself where we need to be. To be with someone who compliments us so well.

What has struck me differently towards my three exes compared to my husband was their past. I had such an insecure mindset and learning to understand why I wasn’t the first for my husband with everything… which he was for me.

  • “I love you”
  • Sharing a home together.
  • Intimacy between husband and wife.

It hurt when he spoke to me about it while we were dating. I had this huge expectation when the time comes and God called me to say “I Do” my husband would act the same in mindset and actions about how fragile and defining it is to say “I love you”, share your home together, to be intimate as husband and wife. It gives you strength and gratitude to know how important it is to allow God to guide you when you make that covenant together. Aside from my little bubble of expectations…. it’s not reality for most people.

I do have to admit that my husband and I were not being holy before we got married and it struck my heart to the core knowing this is not right, we need to make this right. God kept pushing me to know what is right and good. He convicted me immensely. I prayed endlessly for forgiveness because I knew what I was taught and how I was raised, but temptation got the best of me and I had the mere glimpse of understanding why it was easier to behave the way I was because there was no paper, no full commitment. You can just leave when you want to without the hassle of any lawyers, etc.

I also don’t want to exclaim that we got married to justify our sins because that wasn’t the case. We conceived our daughter out of wedlock (she arrived 5 months after we said our vows) and I wanted to teach my daughter when she gets older that there are immense blessings when you abide by His commandments. I don’t want her to believe what she is taught should be watered down with her own “opinion”. She should learn daily to obey the commandments. That’s it. I have seen different occurrences where people knew the commandments, but water down what they believe is good and right and justify what makes sense to them. I don’t want her to settle that way. Her decisions aren’t a life worth living. It’s not holy, or pleasing in God’s eyes.

I, personally, believe God makes everything and makes it beautiful and pure, but sin corrupts what was beautiful and taints the pureness of it.

I might get some disagreements on how I see things, but I truly thank the Lord there is grace in all of it! I absolutely and truly thank God for the people who were in my husband’s life in the past and know they were a great puzzle piece for him and molding him to who he is today. Likewise with who were in my past. I am a firm believer that everyone you meet is a lesson and/or a blessing.

I have learned that my past or my husbands past doesn’t dictate who we we are now, but it certainly involves multiple attempts of trying again and being better than what you once were.

Anyway, I hope the devotion we’re reading brings us closer to Jesus and we continually grow together individually and together through the years to come, and during our seasons. Also through prayer and guidance.

Prayer for my husband and I:

“Lord, I ask you to continually guide and strengthen my husband and I in our marriage. Continually give us grace to each other with our actions whether it is with disagreements on every facet in our lives. Please continue to give us humility and joy during our days of trouble and our good days. Especially give us hope knowing you are so good and so full of mercy. Thank you for our sweet daughter, and thank you for blessing us with another baby! Please continue to be the core in our lives. In your name we pray, Amen!”

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